Update.

So I have been gone for a long time. Absent from writing because I been out here grinding. As you know I have been trying to lose weight like all great Americans in this day and age. I have been semi successful. I lost 25 pounds in three months. Good, I know. I have dropped down a pants size and have been feeling good. Feeling good for the most part. Until recently that is. I have been such bad muscle issues. My thigh slash ass slash back is killing me. They are so tight it kills to stand up straight, until they are stretched out that is. Losing weight is no easy task but it can be done. Recently, in honor of my mother I have decided to write a poem inspired by her each week for the year. I have currently written.part of one and am behind but I will go forth and execute. Never fear.

The Struggle.

<p>&lt;p&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;Man its a struggle out here. Mentally and emotionally. I had a rough week last week. I struggled to work out. I worked out twice last week. Whereas the weeks before I was working out twice a day five days a week. I was just burnt out. You when I say burnt out I am referring to a break down of body. You see I am very out of shape. I hate stretching and I have denied my body the benefit of the stretch. I have strained my right leg muscles from the hamstring to the glutious maximus. It is painful I am hobbled. &lt;/p&gt;<br>
&lt;p&gt;That minor injury that has leg has majority hobbled my spirit. Let me tell.you I was.mentally destroyed. I let myself use my temporary pain a a big struggle. It's not an unusual thing. I always take the easy way out. It's really kinda pathetic. But hey who are you to judge. You can find a point in your kufe where you were pathetic. I can guarantee it. I just happen to be more real with myself. I will say I am proud of myself. I Stopped. My downward spiral before I fell to far. I only went six days with out working out instead of three months. It happens to me all the time. I get working.out then something derails me and I can't get out of the rut. Last time my brothers who are physically superior to me, (I'm not jealous, I'm proud of them hell I treat then like cattle. Look at my little) made fun if me for working out during the summer. It made me give up. I have since then found an alternative. Revamping things. Since I have a problem with a leg I figure. I have been working it too hard so I am going to scale back the frequency of how long I work out in.one day in order to rehab. The point is not to give up but to make a change and not stray off of a path. This post was a little confusing all over the place like my brain. Get over it. Peace.

Dreams

<p>Info: this blog is not exclusively about weightloss. Obviously, because my.life and thoughts are far to.interesting to not be expressed in a public forum, which is private because not a person knows I do this.</p>
<p>Well I have always been one to have dreams. I know we all have dreams.but mine are vivid and real. Sometimes they are so real I can't distinguish if I actually did something or that my.mind did it. One of the oldest dreams I remember having is where the devil is trying to capture me. Actually, now that I'm trying to remember it, the dream isn't that vivid. I guess if I were into fads and acting like a total loser, I would say this was a fail. Unfortunately that's not me. The funny story is during that dream I felt pain and a feeling of not being able to breathe. The devil, I swear the devil was after me. This first premonition was wrong. Why? Simple, during my sleep I had somehow floated towards the wall next to my bed and placed mu head between the wall and my bed and proceeded to torture myself during sleep.</p>
<p>It funny how my mind works, or how the mind in general works. The dreams, how they manifest is interesting. I can't speak for others, but then again I can. One of my co-workers has a dream, which is reoccurring, wherein she kills her grandmother. What is her dream trying to tell her? I don't know I have to know her inner thoughts to know how her dream phase works. My dream phase works very simply. I dream about the stuff I want. For example I start developing feelings for a girl, when I dream and she appears we fuck, for lack of a more cool sounding term.

Another category of dream I have is that which in I have extreme guilt about something and my conscience without fail will give me a reminder of how much of an asshole I've been. The last time I quit a job I did it in an unfashionable way. No need to go into detail about it, for I may need that exit again in my life. A magician never never reveals his secrets.

Lastly, I have dreams of my fears. They are not nightmares because they are not scary, in a sense because they didn't happen... Yet. I sometimes feel that my dreams can predict the future. The last dream I had, was of this type. It's not something I wish to describe because it is a bit gruesome so I will try and describe it the best I can withoit killing the mood. Basically, someone who I was close with was mentally ill and didn't want to live anymore. I cannot see myself without this person. And that is scary.

Man dreams, I really don't like them. Why? Because I can't control them. They are my thoughts which cannot be controlled. My subconscience which is a place where no man should be. It contains the worst and my best thought. Well that's all my (conscious)  inner thoughts about dreams. I'm sure later on I will describe my feelings on conscienceness. We will see.