Update 1, My Buddy The Scale

It has been sometime since I've last posted. I know its must be annoying but I am inherently lazy. If it makes you feel any better I have written a few posts in my head. I'll start my update by saying I have not weighed myself since I have started this blog. I know its terrible. But I literally find the scale to be a bully of sorts. I step on him and he makes fun of me and taunts me. "Look at you fatty you weigh this much" that is all I here when I step on him. I think it is very much human nature to avoid such conflicts as this, so I have. I do find my action, one of cowardice. So I am going to change it. When I arrive home from work I plan on stepping on that scale and taking the abuse. The abuse really isn't from anyone but myself so I need no be so afraid of it.

One interesting thing has just occured to me. I think I may be avoiding the scale to avoid the issue. You know I have been on this diet and for the most part I have been doing a completely horrible job (until fairly recently, that is) of keeping my diet in check. I have been cheating, using performance enhancing drugs (soda, fries, sweets), but very unknowingly to the public. I have been lying to them and to myself, acting as if without then I am nothing without them I cannot succeed. In reality I can. I believe that a real self investigation is helpful in a weightloss journey thus that is what I am doing.

I have come to a point in my life where I have hit Rock Bottom. This can be viewed as a melodramatic statement, but I feel it is a very appropriate one for the situation. I am fat. I am the most I have ever weighed. I now weigh 295.1 pounds. This is after I hit the lowest weight I have been in ten years. That means its the least amount of wright I have had on my body since I was 12 and five foot six inches and 245 pounds. I weighed 30 pounds less than that. Therefore I think the melodrama is appropriate  If this is not enough for me to change my ways I will never change and I will be fat for the rest of y life. I am in my 20's (23 to be exact) and I am huge. My work pants are a size 42 but my father says they are too small. I can barely wear an extra large shirt anymore. I am tired of it. It is more than thing of vanity based purely on my looks. Its one of health too. I want to be able to run and be able to live a long time. I have been having a hard time losing the weight. When I fist lost it I was in france and really was held accountable by my host mother who would ride me about my lifestyle, which was one of fast unhelathy food and overeating. One that I love so dearly. Nobody here in America really holds me accountable. They always say that I am not fat. When clearly I am. One of my friends points out that I wouldn't tell a woman that she is fat although she is, because it is rude. Personally, I feel that this is unnecessary. It gives those a false sense of security, they should be let known that they are overweight and unhealthy. Sorry to get off topic but that is why I have created this blog. To have the world hold me accountable. I know I am fat, unhealthy (yets so attractive)and I want to be held accountable. I need to change my way of living. And I intend to do just that. So join me and push me along, or watch me fail. Whichever is more fun. dobt